For Melissa....

I want to say I am sorry for all the times my barstool was more a lover to me than you. Times when I caressed the curves of my drinking glass with such a thirsty lust.
I remember the days when the only thing keeping my mind numb was the thought of you.
I could only give you so many drunken kisses, bubbly with blind hope.
-You could only take them for so long until realizing the hangovers to come.

And yet you stayed.
And yet you stayed.

I would try to keep from holding your hand for too long out of fear you'd leave me at someone else's doorstep, just as had been done before.

But you didn't.
But you didn't.

I want you to know that the answers you seek in your books are the answers I see in your eyes- even when they are glossed with tears caused by my own hopelessness...

This is my love story.
And to you I pledge my heart.
When I hold you, I feel the closest to closure. Alas, these stitches may never come out, but my heart will always function-

--function for you.
function for you.

At times it seems I wish for younger days. Days when the cold didn't seem quite so cold.
Truth is, I wish for younger days only so I could've better prepared myself for you.

You deserve more.
You deserve more.

I will do my best to make sure I live long enough to see this debt repaid, for I owe you all the love I am not meant to be afforded.

I will pay you back.
I will pay you back.