Wednesday, December 31, 2008

I swear to God, if I see one more penis....'ll be far too soon. I was at the gym today, with the intention of working out and finding some peace. Not today. No peace for me. On my way out from the back of the gym, I was almost assaulted by an old man's penis....

Now, I know this is a gym and there's a locker room, thus this is definitely a locker room environment, but there's no excuse or any logical reason to parade around carelessly so as to possibly hit someone with your dangling wrinkled meat.

There was a bunch of old men just flopping around and as I tried to keep blinders on and get the fuck out of there, one dude just gallivanted along and almost hit my hand with his old dilapidated sagging love sock.

SINCE WHEN IS THIS OKAY? He never even noticed this happened!!!

I understand these dudes have no practical uses for their penises any longer and they also have no shame, but that doesn't necessarily render these penises any less dangerous.

Do you know what would've happened if that dude hit me with his penis?


I'm not homophobic, nor is this the product of some strange happening of my youth. It's just that I was brought up to be ashamed of my body. (and let's face it, you would hate to have my body instead of your own)

The closest I get to such offensive behavior is when I used to walk around work and in public with an erection with the hopes of seeing women gasp at the glory before them. (my girlfriend never liked this embarrassing game) And mind you, I never got the erection on purpose to do this, but rather I wouldn't care if I just happened to have one in public or at work. But I'm older now, and I don't play this game I just annoy my girlfriend with my penis in private...

And that's why they are called "privates" not "how'd ya do's"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

If I run into you at the gym, please don't slap me five with your penis!

Tuesday, December 30, 2008

Come and get it!!!!!!!!

Stone just released a new beer. Well, actually, a new version of an old beer.

This beer is Stone's Sublimely Self Righteous Ale- a black IPA.

That's right, a bold hoppy IPA brewed with roasted malts, giving the beer an opague black color.

It's on tap at Heroes' and if I have any input, it'll be at dba256 soon, as well.

Wednesday, December 24, 2008


I've been handing out a beer with this label on it. This is a serious beer gift. It is a 2002 (that's right) Christmas Ale from Anchor Brewing in San Francisco.

"Our Special Ale," is a beautiful spicy, thick, christmas beer and I've selected only a handful of people to share it with.

The beer's carbonation has deteriorated a bit, but it maintains some molasses flavor along with licorice and an export stout-like dryness to it. It's bigger after aging and drinks heavy.

The rest of you can be green with envy at this gesture. You can always go out and buy Anchor Christmas Ale 2008. But that would be so "now."

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Yellow Snow

After rushing and shopping nothing beats a new beer...

Rogue Yellow Snow IPA isn't a huge robust IPA a la SoCal, but rather it has the sophistication we've come to expect from older Northwest style brewing

Pacman yeast, coastal waters and a moderate amount of Amarillo hops

Conservative IPA just in time to keep me from going crazy, but not quite enough IPA to sedate me like I usually prefer.

Friday, December 19, 2008

All I want for Christmas is.....

A night with America Ferrera...

but I'd settle for a couple of hours-

......or fifteen minutes with her mouth

or five minutes of a chance meeting with the palm of her hand in a broom closet...

please Santa- I've been good this year

Mark your calendars!!!

SUNDAY SCHOOL- 5PM at dba256

Come let Brother Tibbi anoint you in Holy Brew

Beer Tasting for the heathens in all of us



Come down to dba256 tonight!!! We're having come good deals to help with the holiday blues!!!!

4 dollar Pomona Queens and free appetizers!!! Plus, some other goodies!!!!

I'll be there getting sauced, so you should come by in case I say something funny!!!!


Tuesday, December 16, 2008

It's cold man-

I need more winterbocks and doppelbocks...

Christmas Ale sounds good too...

Wassails, and Mead- it's beginning to look like Christmas...

Friday, December 12, 2008

Great Beer News

Beer Advocate- a great beer enthusiast resource has just named STONE BREWING the all time best brewery!!!!

I smell, Sunday School's tasting this Sunday at 5pm.

read it for yourself here:

Congratulations Stone!!! And let's get fucked up, now we have yet another reason to!!!!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008


If anyone needs any assistance with beer related gifts, my expertise is always available.

Maybe a holiday beer tasting for friends and family is in order.

Are you wondering what beer would go well with duck?

email me-

At the gym

So I went to the gym with the missus yesterday and I kinda poked around. For a fat guy like me, the gym poses dozens and dozens of opportunities for self embarassment. I walked around looking for a fatter guy to work out next to in an attempt to appear smaller, but no dice.

I went to the sauna and sweat out all the bad stuff, when all of a sudden I was visually assaulted by an elderly Asian woman. It was a lesson in old age anatomy, and apparently I was being privately tutored this time. Needless to say, I left and went to find my love partner for comfort.

She was pounding out on the eliptical machine, which is also my most hated enemy. I then went to the bike and after a few minutes felt self conscious about my testicles, so I decided I needed to buy compression shorts to eliminate the chance of visible "pendulum sac."

So far, this gym trip wasn't very fruitful.

And there was no eye candy or anything, just an old Asian lady with a sagging----uh......gym bag. (wink*)

I jumped on the treadmill and power walked a mile then went back to the sauna to wait for the missus to finish up and meet me.

As I sat down, a I swore I heard the man already there say, "Hey, nice beard."

To which I replied, "How's that?"

And he answered, "Nice beer."

I was wearing one of my beer shirts and he noticed it.

I was at the gym with the intention to better myself and maybe garner some bedroom points with the missus for a time to be later named. And here I was talking beer with a stranger in the sauna. He was a cool guy though, we talked of Belgian ales, and I expressed my love for American Micro and Craft. He told me of a couple of dynamite pizza joints, and I felt pretty guilty. We were like a pair of troublemaker kids at a funeral reception- everybody was there for a reason and these two kids didn't understand so they just went around fucking shit up and putting frogs in the punch bowl, and so on....

Oh well, wherever I go beer will be with me- wish me luck on my effort to eliminate some of the evidence of its presence....

Sunday, December 7, 2008


5pm- tonight's theme- California


Yesterday was my birthday, and it was a bummer for me. I kinda felt weird and a little depressed because I've never been 25 before (laughing) and I pondered all the thoughts I usually grapple with, but differently this time- well...contextually different.

Birthdays have been a sore spot for me the past few years anyhow. For me, it's an anniversary of the moment I was given life and handed to my mother, only to be discarded. As an adoptee, I've had to rethink my policies and perspectives on a lot of things, since actually finding out I was adopted when I became an adult of age. Last year's birthday wasn't so bad because I made a conscientious effort to have a good time and drink enormously.

Well, I went to work at the bar in the morning and I cleaned for a while with the hopes it would keep me from breaking. It worked, but then the bossmen showed up and one of them was grateful for my morning's efforts while the other busted my balls a little, when all of a sudden, he actually told me I looked depressed.

What the hell???

I can't even get this guy to listen to anything I have to say, and all of a sudden he can read me like the side of a box of cereal!!!!

Well, that's when I knew I was wearing my sadness like a Halloween mask at a wedding.

My day dragged on and it turned around when my brother from another mother came to invite me to a bbq to be held in my honor...

I explained my emotional situation, but told him I'd go anyhow, because, I'm not a complete dick.

Well, later I did go to the bbq, and I realized that as this clock runs out the only thing I have to hold onto are the people and moments I love and live for.

We laughed, we hugged, we drank, and yes...someone brought herb...
We ate and I wondered when the last time was when we were all together like this...

It was a band-aid on the was comforting, and I honestly felt strange about my friends coming in waves, paying tribute, and then I drank a little more and relaxed at the sight of my own real family that had come together, not just for a bbq, but in general- for life.

This family of handpicked people all with integral positions toward me and the collective group. For a rare moment in my entire life up until now, I was in fact home-

And I'd give anything to keep it from ever being any different

SO, my day had a happy ending after all...

Thanks guys....


I've never seen someone else that looked like me, until I saw this guy- I bet he's not fat like me though-


Wednesday, December 3, 2008

Oh yeah....I forgot

Marin Brewing

White Knuckle Double IPA

notes= good malt base, with nice stinging hop bitterness, smells of marijuana and lemonade

That makes 100 IPAs!!!!!

Hooray for India Pale Ales!!!!!!