I swear to God, if I see one more penis....

...it'll be far too soon. I was at the gym today, with the intention of working out and finding some peace. Not today. No peace for me. On my way out from the back of the gym, I was almost assaulted by an old man's penis....


Now, I know this is a gym and there's a locker room, thus this is definitely a locker room environment, but there's no excuse or any logical reason to parade around carelessly so as to possibly hit someone with your dangling wrinkled meat.

There was a bunch of old men just flopping around and as I tried to keep blinders on and get the fuck out of there, one dude just gallivanted along and almost hit my hand with his old dilapidated sagging love sock.

SINCE WHEN IS THIS OKAY? He never even noticed this happened!!!


I understand these dudes have no practical uses for their penises any longer and they also have no shame, but that doesn't necessarily render these penises any less dangerous.

Do you know what would've happened if that dude hit me with his penis?


I WOULD BE SITTING IN JAIL FOR PUTTING MY FIST THROUGH HIS HEAD.

I'm not homophobic, nor is this the product of some strange happening of my youth. It's just that I was brought up to be ashamed of my body. (and let's face it, you would hate to have my body instead of your own)

The closest I get to such offensive behavior is when I used to walk around work and in public with an erection with the hopes of seeing women gasp at the glory before them. (my girlfriend never liked this embarrassing game) And mind you, I never got the erection on purpose to do this, but rather I wouldn't care if I just happened to have one in public or at work. But I'm older now, and I don't play this game anymore....now I just annoy my girlfriend with my penis in private...

And that's why they are called "privates" not "how'd ya do's"!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


If I run into you at the gym, please don't slap me five with your penis!