Sunday, December 7, 2008

Birthday

Yesterday was my birthday, and it was a bummer for me. I kinda felt weird and a little depressed because I've never been 25 before (laughing) and I pondered all the thoughts I usually grapple with, but differently this time- well...contextually different.

Birthdays have been a sore spot for me the past few years anyhow. For me, it's an anniversary of the moment I was given life and handed to my mother, only to be discarded. As an adoptee, I've had to rethink my policies and perspectives on a lot of things, since actually finding out I was adopted when I became an adult of age. Last year's birthday wasn't so bad because I made a conscientious effort to have a good time and drink enormously.

Well, I went to work at the bar in the morning and I cleaned for a while with the hopes it would keep me from breaking. It worked, but then the bossmen showed up and one of them was grateful for my morning's efforts while the other busted my balls a little, when all of a sudden, he actually told me I looked depressed.

What the hell???

I can't even get this guy to listen to anything I have to say, and all of a sudden he can read me like the side of a box of cereal!!!!

Well, that's when I knew I was wearing my sadness like a Halloween mask at a wedding.


My day dragged on and it turned around when my brother from another mother came to invite me to a bbq to be held in my honor...

I explained my emotional situation, but told him I'd go anyhow, because, I'm not a complete dick.


Well, later I did go to the bbq, and I realized that as this clock runs out the only thing I have to hold onto are the people and moments I love and live for.

We laughed, we hugged, we drank, and yes...someone brought herb...
We ate and I wondered when the last time was when we were all together like this...

It was a band-aid on the wound...it was comforting, and I honestly felt strange about my friends coming in waves, paying tribute, and then I drank a little more and relaxed at the sight of my own real family that had come together, not just for a bbq, but in general- for life.

This family of handpicked people all with integral positions toward me and the collective group. For a rare moment in my entire life up until now, I was in fact home-

And I'd give anything to keep it from ever being any different



SO, my day had a happy ending after all...


Thanks guys....

5 comments:

Ren said...

well Happy B-day there Mr.T

Anduhrew said...

Happy birthday man. I'll be seeing you tonight though! I just turned 27 a couple months ago. And I was hoping to be a part of the 27 forever club.

Patti said...

happy belated birthday tibbi! i loved this blog especially.

pomona's art colonists said...

you feel like family to us ;-)

tibbi said...

you guys feel like family to me...