At the gym

So I went to the gym with the missus yesterday and I kinda poked around. For a fat guy like me, the gym poses dozens and dozens of opportunities for self embarassment. I walked around looking for a fatter guy to work out next to in an attempt to appear smaller, but no dice.

I went to the sauna and sweat out all the bad stuff, when all of a sudden I was visually assaulted by an elderly Asian woman. It was a lesson in old age anatomy, and apparently I was being privately tutored this time. Needless to say, I left and went to find my love partner for comfort.

She was pounding out on the eliptical machine, which is also my most hated enemy. I then went to the bike and after a few minutes felt self conscious about my testicles, so I decided I needed to buy compression shorts to eliminate the chance of visible "pendulum sac."

So far, this gym trip wasn't very fruitful.


And there was no eye candy or anything, just an old Asian lady with a sagging----uh......gym bag. (wink*)


I jumped on the treadmill and power walked a mile then went back to the sauna to wait for the missus to finish up and meet me.

As I sat down, a I swore I heard the man already there say, "Hey, nice beard."

To which I replied, "How's that?"

And he answered, "Nice beer."


I was wearing one of my beer shirts and he noticed it.

I was at the gym with the intention to better myself and maybe garner some bedroom points with the missus for a time to be later named. And here I was talking beer with a stranger in the sauna. He was a cool guy though, we talked of Belgian ales, and I expressed my love for American Micro and Craft. He told me of a couple of dynamite pizza joints, and I felt pretty guilty. We were like a pair of troublemaker kids at a funeral reception- everybody was there for a reason and these two kids didn't understand so they just went around fucking shit up and putting frogs in the punch bowl, and so on....

Oh well, wherever I go beer will be with me- wish me luck on my effort to eliminate some of the evidence of its presence....